How does awareness of your own listening habits affect your support of your mentee?
I've always thought I was a good listener. People have told me I'm good listener. I've mentored people before who have told me I'm a good listener. It turns out I'm not. According to the Listening Survey I'm not a good listener at all. Ok that's a very glass half empty outlook. I'm not that terrible. Only on certain parts am I that terrible.
There were 2/5 areas I was really good at. I am attentive and I listen to what people are saying. Yay! I have been super annoyed on a few (really several) occasions when I am trying to discuss something important with someone and they are clearly distracted (cue phone, glazed eyes, etc). I REALLY try not to do that and the survey supports me. So, I'll be keeping that up.
Where I experience trouble is with some of those other "I listening traits". I often listen to the minutia of what someone is proposing. I think it stems from me wanting them to succeed and when I see a pitfall I want to prevent them from falling into it. If I can listen instead to how they are planning something and help them work through it, the problem can still be averted but they can do it themselves. Much better!
I also have tended to use stories---personal examples to illustrate...not always but way too much. I've done this intentionally because I (there's that "I" thing again) find it very effective to learn from the examples of others. Instead I need to just listen to their story since that's the point of mentoring.
I see that I also try to help solve problems based on my own experience more than guide others to their own solution. I always take into account that I don't know the specifics of any situation but, note to self, more guide less help.
I think what was a real eye opener for me this week was the idea of a mentor being a growth agent. That term makes sense. I think mentoring can be tricky for teachers. We are used to teaching. Interestingly as a teacher my goal has always been to become obsolete to my students so they can do it themselves-whatever "it" is and to guide them rather than tell them; to let them figure it out for themselves with guidance. Mentoring is the same thing. I don't think I've ever really seen the parallel before.
The glass half full vision of my listening skills is I need to continue to listen attentively and work on how I guide a mentee (key word guide) on their own path. I need to practice some good wait time for myself before I say what I might historically have said and probably rethink it. I have work ahead of me but I don't think it's out of reach.
I have to echo your observation that it's hard not to follow the golden rule here; if WE learn best through stories/anecdotes, not to assume our mentees do... (and dominate the conversation).
ReplyDeleteI appreciate how you've focused on some things that you are already good at before diving into the challenges you have to tackle in listening skills. As I've been reading various posts this evening I've noticed that almost none of us delved into the Continuum of Interaction section in our reflections---and I think that Lipton and Wellman tell us in that section that there is a place for our stories and problem-solving in mentoring. The organization of the book tells me that they want us to be conscious and choose it as a technique, rather than just defaulting to sharing about our own experiences and solving our beginning teacher's problems for them. I think remaining conscious of the flow of the year, like Lipton and Wellman talk about in Chpt. 1, will be really important.
ReplyDeleteGood morning, Amy!
ReplyDeleteYes, our goal with our students AND our mentees is to become obsolete! Lipton and Wellman talk about building capacity and decreasing dependence. I, too, was inspired by the idea of growth agent. It took the impetus off me to hold the content and provide the instruction, and reflected it to my mentee to steer. The continuum which we will look more closely at next week also helped me make this shift. I agree that mentoring can be tricky for teachers. We ARE used to teaching! Thanks for sharing.
Amy-
ReplyDeleteWe have all had preconceived notions of what effective mentoring should look like, sound like... The listening focus is something that we may have overlooked, but now we have some better ideas for becoming more than sounding boards, but true growth agents.
As Nancy says above, the continuum of interaction will help you make that shift, because there are multiple pathways to help the mentee improve his/her practice. Your glass will overflow soon!
I can relate to the idea of getting sucked into the minutia of a conversation and getting sidetracked from the big picture. Pulling back from immediate comments in a big challenge for me. Do you think that Zoom makes it harder to listen effectively? My experience is that pauses can be excruciating in that format, so everyone just jumps in.
ReplyDelete